The absolute worst things to say to a police officer:

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Sorry, officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Bad cop! No donut!

You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

I pay your salary!

So, uh, you on the take or what?

Gee, officer, that's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around -- that's how far ahead of me they are.

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

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