UdoMeFirst: Wanna go to a private room?

Reply:
I'd rather use my own hand and talk dirty to it.

I'd rather scoot down a slide of razor blades into a pool of rubbing alcohol.

I'd rather fall off the roof of my house and dangle by my eyelid from a nail.

I'd rather put my hand in a blender full of Chile's... and set it on grate.

I'd rather eat a pan of brownies... then discover it was stool samples... collected from the dog for the vet.

I would rather put crunchy peanut butter in my underwear... and have someone give me a wedgie.

I would rather strip naked... roll in Alpo... and parachute into a junkyard guarded by starving rottweilers.

I would rather do a bikini wax... with duct tape.

I would rather roll around in saw dust... and pet a rabid beaver.

I'd rather climb a tree... barefoot and naked... and slide all the way back down.

I'd rather sip boiling hot tea... made from a used tampon.

I would rather be dragged behind a tractor trailer... on a 300 mile run... in nothing but my underwear.

I would rather have an umbrella opened... after it's been shoved up my ass.

I would rather stick a corn cob up a wild tiger's ass... in a telephone booth.

I'd rather suck on a used tampon.

I would rather shovel shit in hell... while sucking the devil's dick.

I would rather eat dog shit... with a spoon... while watching a porno movie... starring Bill Clinton.

I'd rather chew on shards of broken glass... while having a battery-acid enema!

I'd rather drive a diaper truck... in the middle of July... with the windows sealed shut... and no nose plugs.

I would rather jerk off a mountain lion... with a fistful of glass... in a phone booth.

I would rather slide naked, down a hill of razor blades.

I would rather drown in a barrel of snot.

I'd rather wipe my ass with 40 grit sand paper... after a case of the runs and inflamed hemorrhoids.

I'd rather eat corn out of a loose bowel movement... then play tonsil hockey with you.

I'd rather eat a foreskin salad... prime choice mucky meat... and scrotum sac soufflé.

I would rather die like a bug... suffocating in the storm window of a 400lb man... while he struts his rolls for me to see.

I would rather eat a live rat... with fleas.

I would rather lick the feet of two starving hippie lovers... in the summer time!

I'd rather crawl through a mile of barbed wire... and jerk off on Phyllis Diller's shadow.

I'd rather have my fingernails and toenails pulled out one by one... then have alcohol poured on the bloody gaping holes.

I'd rather swim in gator infested waters... with my hands tied behind my back... and a raw steak in my mouth.

I'd rather watch an adult movie... while wearing sandpaper underwear.

I would rather eat the ass end... of a menstrual skunk.

I'd rather eat cow plops... while standing in the outhouse on a hot summer day... while flies and bees land on my fanny.

I would rather take a shower... in gasoline... while playing with matches!

I'd rather lick a pool of vomit out of a urinal... while a dog humps my ass... and two drunks piss on me.

I'd rather have from two fish hooks pierced through each nostril.

Have sex with the automatic milking machine... the one that shuts off only after three gallons are collected.

Experience bleeding inflamed hemorrhoids.

I would rather be put in hot fiery liquid and be tarred and feathered.

Have stomach flu... at a gas station... in August... on vacation... with no toilet paper... and a truckload of briars waiting for me to leave.

Drink tea... that was strained through the crotch of panty hose... which were last worn by your wife... and not washed.

I would rather pierce my ears... with hot BBQ forks... and dangle live mice from the holes.

I'd rather give myself a manicure... with a chainsaw... and a facial... with a cow manure mud pack.

I'd rather have all my teeth pulled... without anesthetic ... by a blind dentist... armed only with a wooden spoon.

I'd rather hand wash your socks... in cold water... then drink the rinse water over ice... while toasting AOL.

I'd rather crawl a mile... through broken glass... to see my ex-husband... marrying my sister.

UdoMeFirst: Uhmm, Does that mean no?

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