These should make your day....

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A: Ask your mom. 

Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?

A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. 

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped his ass. 

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?

A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. 

Q: What do the gynecologist and the Pizza delivery man have in common?

A: They both get to smell the goods but neither one of them can eat it. 

Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?

A: The cake jumps out of the girl.

Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?

A: Full. 

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak. 

Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?

A: You push it to the side before you start eating. 

Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?

A: Made her chain too long. 

Q: What's somewhat brown and often found in children's underpants?

A: Michael Jackson's hand. 

Q: How is a woman like a condom?

A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. 

Q: What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?

A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. 

Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?

A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you  lose your house.

Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.