JokesInterpreting A Police Report
What the report said: While on routine patrol...
What the report meant: I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed.
What the report said: The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner
What the report meant: He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN-DON'T FEED THE PIGS"
What the report said: The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control
What the report meant: It was raining.
What the report said: This officer went out-of-service to obtain intelligence information from a street informant.
What the report meant: It was too hot to ride in the car.
What the report said: I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner...
What the report meant: The dirt-bag let go with an "Oink" as I walked by.
What the report said: Knowing the suspect had a criminal history...
What the report meant: He puked on my uniform one night...
What the report said: The informant is of known credibility and has provided reliable information in the past...
What the report meant: I've got two theft cases hanging over his head...
What the report said: While being arrested, this subject resisted being injured in the act...
What the report meant: He ripped my shirt and broke my new mirror sunglasses...
What the report said: The motorist was cited for multiple traffic violations...
What the report meant: I wrote one citation for each swearword he used...
What the report said: Upon announcing my title and purpose, I heard a voice from inside the house say "Come in" so this writer entered through the door...
What the report meant: The rock music was so loud they wouldn't have heard Patton's army so I kicked in the door.
What the report said: The members of the press at the scene were offered every courtesy within departmental policies...
What the report meant: I sent then to a nonexistent address which I called the "Command Post."
What the report said: I gave the motorist a verbal warning for speeding...
What the report meant: She was a good-looking blonde who owned aliquor store and who was free after my shift was over.
What the report said: The Chief appeared at the scene and took command...
What the report meant: I sent him to the same address as the reporters.
What the report said: Further interview of the witness was impossible, due to conditions.
What the report meant: It was my bowling night...
What the report said: The motorist eyes were glassy, he had slurred speech, was unsteady on his feet, and smelled strongly of an alcoholic beverage.
What the report meant: He was howling at the moon and trying to drive the car from the back seat.
What the report said: Using only enough force to restrain the subject...
What the report meant: My favorite song is "Drop-kick me Jesus Through the Goal Post of Life"
What the report said: The defendant asked this officer's advice on how to act before the judge at his arraignment...
What the report meant: I told him he didn't have the balls to call the judge the same name he called me.
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