Little Johnny walks into the bathroom as his father steps out of the shower. Looking at his father's private parts he says, "I want one as big as yours." His father, figuring he'll have some fun, replies, "To make that happen, you have to start rubbing oil on yours and waiting."

Three weeks later the same scene repeats. This time Little Johnny complains, "I've been rubbing oil on mine for three weeks and it isn't any bigger, in fact I think it is a little smaller!" "What are you using?" asks his secretly amused father. "Crisco," says Little Johnny. "Well, that's the problem, son, you're using shortening!"

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