JokesMALE DICTIONARY FOR FEMALES
1."I'm going fishing" - Means.. "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety"
2. "It's a guy thing" - Means.. "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".
3. "Can I help with dinner?" - Means.. "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"
4. "Uh huh", "Sure honey," or "Yes dear" - Means.. Absolutely nothing; it is a conditioned response.
5. "It would take too long to explain" - Means.. "I have no idea how it works".
6. "We're going to be late" - Means.. "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac".
7. "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind" - Means.. "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra".
8. "Take a break honey, you're working too hard" - Means.. "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner".
9. "That's interesting dear" - Means.. "Are you still talking?"
10."It's a really good movie" - Means.. "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women".
11."That's women's work" - Means.. "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless".
12."You know how bad my memory is" - Means.. "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday or our anniversary."
13."I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses" - Means.. "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe".
14."Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal" - Means.. "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt".
15."Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing" - Means.. "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon".
16."I can't find it" - Means.. "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless".
17."What did I do this time?" - Means.. "What did you catch me at?"
18."I heard you" - Means.. "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
19."You know I could never love anyone else" - Means.. "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse".
20."You look terrific" - Means.. "Oh God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving!"
21."I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are" - Means.. "No one will ever see us alive again".
22."We share the housework" - Means.. "I make the messes, she cleans them up".
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