JokesSubject: Apology to People's Republic of China
To: President Jiang Zemin
The United States of America apologizes to the People's Republic of China for allowing our reconnaissance plane to be hit by your poorly trained, hot-dogging fighter pilot, while flying in international airspace.
We're sorry we have to fly surveillance missions to monitor a country that has nuclear missiles pointed at us.
We're sorry your pilot didn't follow international standards of fighter intercept protocol.
We're sorry his aircraft recognition skills were so poor he didn't realize the EP-3 aircraft was propeller driven and flew his aircraft through its propeller arc, destroying his aircraft and nearly killing 24 American crewmen.
We're sorry your fighter pilot's survival training and equipment was so inadequate that he couldn't survive until your poorly trained and equipped navy could find him.
We're sorry you violated international law and arrested the crewmen of an aircraft that legally diverted into your airfield under emergency conditions, caused by your pilot's actions.
We're sorry you violated international law and boarded a state aircraft.
We're sorry the world is now seeing your leaders as the xenophobic, clueless thugs that they really are.
We're sorry you are losing so much face over this.
We're sorry that you were able to steal missile and nuclear secrets from us, thereby require us to continue to monitor your eccentric and unpredictable military.
We're sorry you haven't learned from the Soviet Union's collapse and failed to embrace democracy, freedom and peaceful co-existence with your neighbors.
And most of all, we're sorry for the Chinese people who suffer its leaders' foolishness and incompetence.
Sincerely,
George W. Bush
President of the United States
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